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"You may not be her first, her last, her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect, you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that knows you can break her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there."

Bob Marley.

I've been thinking about a couple friends of mine who've passed away. The other morning I woke up thinking about one who was killed at 22 in a gruesome car crash, and tonight I've been thinking about the other who, at about 25 died in her sleep. The first one beautiful, talented, influential, she had at least experienced love and intimacy in the short time she was here. She was able to leave behind a piece of her in this world, a beautiful child. A reflection of love that once was. When she died, I became acutely aware of how mortal I was and started trying to remember to live my life as though each day could be my last.

The other, lived a very different life. She was painfully different. Regularly teased and humiliated by her peers. Never having friends, accustomed to hurting herself, she never experienced what it was like to fall in love. Both sad stories, but the second wrenches my heart even deeper. This thing called love, that I don't pretend to know much about, it sometimes seems like it should be almost like a right in all of our stories, somewhere along the line. But my friend's story is strong evidence against that. She never even knew what it was like to hold someones hand.

I know so many people recently married, or recently engaged. Reflecting on all this "love" sometimes it seems so weird who ends up with who. In some couples I know I see a level of contentment, but not a whole lot beyond that. Some seem happy, others seem to have settled, or are even unhappy. Many from the way they treat each other make you question in a big way why they are even together at all. Its more rare that what I see are two people that seem utterly designed for one another, to the point where they are just inseparable, or where they just seem almost oblivious to the rest of the world around them, and they truly and deeply love each other, and it lasts. When its real, its like it doesn't matter how dark the world is around them or what comes against them because they love and are loved.

To the people in my life who have this, and there are a few I do know of who read this blog, I just want to say, please don't miss that what you have is a gift. Its really not part of every story. It doesn't happen for the best of us, I'm convinced it happens for a rare few. Know that you've been blessed or are just damn lucky, how ever you want to see it, and never take for granted what you have. Life is different for you than for many. You are never promised tomorrow, neither is your soulmate, so cherish every second that you have been given together, live as though you know for a fact that there is no tomorrow with them... because a life minus love seems tragic and meaningless, which you have escaped, and a life full of love has endless possibility =D

Congratulations to my brother and sister on their recent engagements. Heather from what I have seen I believe you are one of the blessed =D. Jesse I haven't been around you two enough to have a real idea, but I truly hope that's what you have together.

Maybe someday, someone will love me that way too. I took statistics though, 3 out of 3, not sure my chances are too good dammit.

Im memory of Christine, who had a great big heart of love to give, I'm sorry you didn't have time and the chance while you were here to find someone to lavish it on.

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