Doesn't Play Well with Others

So weird how allergies develop out of nowhere. What were not long ago some of my favorite things to eat on a daily basis, now make me so ill. Funny how what seems so all around good at one time can prove to be really bad for you. Did something change somewhere, or was it actually hurting me all along without my realizing it...thats the question.

I find spiritual parallels in everything it seems. Interesting how I have also developed this extremely severe intolerance, allergy even, to religion, and modern church culture. Religious people, mindsets, language... all chokes the breath out of me like a heavy wet blanket. What were once some of my favorite places and people and ideas to experience each day I just cant seem to even stomach anymore.

Just like with tofu, I tried mind over matter for a while, trying to convince myself it wasn't so bad, or that maybe this time it wont hurt. Maybe if I just eat it in small portions, once in a while? In this same way, for some time now I also have tried to continue on with maintaining some relationships and involvement within this culture on some level at least, to stay open to the possibility that maybe this time, it will go okay, it will be good, genuine. Eventually though, your stomach hurts so bad that you know enough is enough.

I'm sick. I'm allergic to the judgement, oh man the judgement and the competition, the hype. To the cliche language and answers, the memorized religious responses to the world...headache. To the endless messages that instill striving and guilt and completely miss the point of mercy, grace, or faith...ew, so nauseous. And also, to the unfortunate pattern I've had of sacrificially pouring all my life energy and resources out, maybe seeing some bit of good come of it somewhere along the way, but only to find myself at the end of it all, tired, and unhappy, frustrated and alone, and unable to relate to 99% of the people who say they identify with my faith... ER status on this one. Hope deferred... killing me. Time to listen to my stomach and just stay away from the culture that makes me ill.

Jesus, from every angle that I have experienced you, you yourself are good. I still think you rock. Hope we can still kick it. Pretty sure we can, I mean, you like honesty and all.. and contrary to popular belief, you don't like religious garbage either. God, thank you for your mercy, and your saved by faith plan, but your church... she is in bad shape, and she's hurting people and pushing them away. I've tried, for 10 years I tried, but I don't play well with them, so, I'm gonna take my broken toys and move on.

Things I am allergic to:

soy

wheat gluten (oh bread, how I miss you)

dust

mold

religion

christianese jargon (ugh, puke)

manipulation

clutter

TV

news media

materialism

beauty magazines

styrofoam

cilantro