death & taxes

Today I realized how much I was thinking about death and taxes. Yep, unpleasant imaginations of scalpels and scary IRS agents in black suits with glowing red eyes are haunting me. Life seems more and more like a delicate vapor that can so easily be blown about here or there off from ones plotted course or even snuffed out when least expected. Not that any of us is promised tomorrow or anything, but I'm not gonna lie, surgery scares the crap out of me. I mean, you hear, at least I've heard, about all these minor, piece of cake deals, where things should go smoothly without question, and then, ooops, the brilliant surgeon stitched em up with bonus items left inside and they're gone 2 days later. And, not to mention, I'm not especially fond of pAiN, or, missing work because of pain, or scars! Honestly, I know I'm being a big baby about it. My good friend is in the middle of an 8 week recovery from brain surgery and she faced it all like such a trooper! She's so brave.

I just don't have any confidence in doctors. My father's friend married late in life and then had a child, soon after the baby was born, his wife had to go to the hospital. They sent her home though and told her she was fine, and that night she died on the floor.

Another friend of mine suffered in agonizing pain for dAyZ while doctors misdiagnosed her again and again... and treated her for things she didn't even have. Meanwhile appendicitis was the first thing that crossed my mind in the beginning, and lo and behold, thats exactly what was almost allowed to take her out, while the doctors played guessing games!? I know they're human and all, but what the hell?? Not impressed. I know way too many of these stories... I don't want to be one of these stories.. gotta be brave...