Joe Schmuck

I've been having another season of bad dreams.  They usually wake me up after only a few hours of sleep and then I just lie there restlessly, usually unable to go back to sleep.  Last night was one of the worst.  I awoke already consumed by a panic attack with my chest tight and my breathing shallow and with the feeling of impending doom and darkness surrounding me.  I immediately grabbed my phone for its light to hunt for my anti-anxiety medicine in the dark and took one.  I turned on my laptop right away as a distraction of some sort, sat up in bed and clung tightly to a pillow, staring at the screen.  In the dream I had been trapped in a 2 story house with my mother's abusive ex-boyfriend who was the un-argued authority in this house and called all the shots.  I was downstairs trying to do something but couldn't because I needed to plug something into an outlet and no power was coming out and there were no lights on.  I knew I was supposed to get this thing done or I would be in trouble in some way, it was in my best interest and for my safety to accomplish this task.  Joe was up on the second floor where the power was working, and he was pacing the room, uttering some sort of mantra or chant out loud but in a low voice.  I went up the stairs to tell him there was no power and he sent me back downstairs, trying to mask his irritation at my interrupting him.  I went downstairs and tried to call my mother.  The cell phone wasn't working, the battery was dead and it needed to charge, but the outlets were all useless.  I was desperate to speak to her so though I was terrified to, I risked going upstairs once more to explain that nothing was working downstairs and I couldn't do my job unless there was power down there.  He sent me down once again, and from down there I heard him call my mother on his working cell phone and begin to tell her horrible lies about me.  This is about the point I woke up in a panic.  I spent some time wondering to myself if it had a meaning and began thinking about his daughter, who is my sisters age, who lived with him back while my mother was dating him.  I always had this nagging suspicion that he was sexually abusing her for various reasons that all seemed to point to the possibility.  I do know that he was accused of abusing an older daughter years before and went to court over the ordeal, and he claims he was falsely charged and convicted, but this daughter no longer speaks with him.  As I understand now, his younger daughter at some point left him to live with her mother, and no longer speaks to him either.  That man caused so much trauma in my life, and for my family.  Just the idea of how evil his mind is sends shivers down my spine.  I have this itch to contact his daughter who I do have a connection with via Facebook, and ask her the very personal and painful question that has always haunted my mind.  I don't want to hurt her.  I don't want her to suffer more, from shame and painful memories, but it is so horrible to know, but not know, and to know that he's out there, using his mind control methods that he researches and studies to find easy victims to manipulate, brainwash, and squander all he can squeeze out of their bank and their life.  This was a horrendous dream.  I do not think I would be able to handle it if I ever came face to face with him again in real life.  He represents so much of the twisted side of humanity all wrapped up in one disturbing package.  He really was a nightmare.