google knows your needs

So do a search on your name followed by the word 'needs', you will find that GOOGLE has some profound insights into your life. Its scary.

Sharon needs to do something simple that would have a profound meaning worldwide ...

I have been aspiring to find an easy way to help feed the world's dang starving children since I was 5ish, and would lie in bed crying at night because I wished I could share my dinner with children on the other side of the planet who had none. (especially when it was meatloaf) Still working on it. Got one little chica in Guatemala and all, but the worldwide thing... not there....yet.

Sharon needs a lifestyle change.

OK, how bout for starters, STOP EATING JUNK and get your b-hind to the gym more!

Then, stop procrastinating with, EVERYTHING. Now is always a good time to do things.

Start using your dusty easel again already and be creative or something.

Also...well, it's not really all mentionable here, but there's a change currently in the works.

Sharon Needs to keep in touch with the people who really matter, helping them to connect, ...

I really fail at this! I will try harder. I love you all, even if I seem to drop off the face of the earth, i do.

Sharon needs a job she should step out

Very true. Looking at options. Ready for change. Reallly ready, and I like to take risks.

Sharon Needs to Be Told to Stop Shooting and Start Talking.

I'm not too sure on this one, but it sounds really right and fitting somehow.

sharon needs help.

I do need help. I'm not good as an island, and I usually don't know what I'm doing. I will take help as long as it doesn't come with strings attached and your two cents.

Sharon is someone who has always been a giver.

True.

SHARON NEEDS TO TAKE A HIKE SHE IS FLIPPIN NUTS TO THE MAX.

Yes. When I am on edge and feel like I'm gonna go postal, which is often, I generally walk my rage off. Works pretty good.

GOOGLE knows.

The airplane-car guy goes to the same bank as me. I see this bizarre vehicle all around in random places, so this kinda makes TX feel less big and, well... big. heh. Thanks airplane-car guy, for being strange and unconventional, for making me want to sing "its a small, small world.." in the midst of my city life panic mode, and for ending my silly 30 min wait at the bank just to change my stinkin address, with a smile.

happy rage

RAGE:

Pronunciation: \ˈrāj\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin rabia, from Latin rabies rage, madness, from rabere to be mad; akin to Sanskrit rabhas violence

1 a : violent and uncontrolled anger b : a fit of violent wrath c archaic : insanity

2 : violent action (as of wind or sea)

3 a: an intense feeling : passion b: to be exasperated to fury; to be violently agitated with passion.

I want to wake up and be a huge green dinosaur for a day. This guy has it figured out, he has his rage channeled into happy noodle dinner. I feel like this would make me feel better.

death by bananas?

open car door...hmm, banana peels right where I'm about to step. Has this world not been hostile enough to me lately, now has Toontown joined forces against me as well? Is this the fiendish work of Mo Jo Jo Jo? Is Wile E. Cyote trying to take me out? Who is behind this?

Sunday evenings.

Pfff... silly gas company.

Today I walked to where the sidewalk ends... I wanted to keep walking in that direction, but I couldn't. Interesting. Straight ahead, wilderness. To my right, a river. To my left, a muddy and somewhat foreboding dirt trail. So, that path just sort of ended, and I turned around and walked back to my jeep. Her name is Hope btw.

death & taxes, revised

I have spent so much time over the last month or so making myself sick with worry, all for what? To discover that there's this medical condition that I don't in fact have and therefore an operation I wont now be needing, AND that I don't in fact owe the IRS hundreds of dollars, but rather they owe me?? Aghh! What? Such a huge relief. I can't believe how much of a basket case I have been for so long over some serious misinformation.

So now, I figure what needs to happen is, I get a job as a waitress and win the unwavering loyalty of some eccentric, OCD writer who will only sit at my table. Eventually he will want to ensure that I am always around to serve him his food, and therefore take it upon himself to hire me my own personal doctor (who has a brain and skills) who will quickly be able to pin point exactly what the problem is and painlessly fix it. Of course only after insisting on paying off my stack of already existing medical bills, no strings, you know, As Good As IT Gets status. Yes, that's what needs to happen. Ready for a career change anyway =]

filtering

So this friend's grandmother used to tell her, "sometimes you have to get rid of the bad in order to make room for the good."

Actually trying to live this out in a lot of ways lately it seems. Out with the bad air, in with the good. I <3 yoga. Breathing = good. Out of a climate that makes me cranky and into one that suits me. Out with clutter, purging stuff that's weighing me down, making room for what's meaningful and essential. Simplifying. Cleaning house. Less is more. Aiming to keep nothing that isn't beautiful or useful to me. Out with toxic energy drinks that have dehydrated me to the point of hospitalization, room for that water stuff. Cleansing. Inside and out.

Out with relationships that continually drain me and cause me stress which I've maintained too long primarily out of an unnecessary and ridiculous sense of obligation, room for people I truly enjoy. What a concept. Out with the old in with the new. Now, the next step, not settling for a routine that makes me crazy on edge... allowing myself the notion of options... filtering the bad hoping to find some good.

Almost went to see Mazzy Star tonight, last minute. Realllly wanted to. Would have been exactly what I need to shake off the Monday yuck. Didn't work out though because of simply silly things like someone forgetting something and going back for it, and me not wanting to risk the drive into Dallas all by my lonesome with an expired driver's license. sigh. Wish I hadn't asked my friend what she was doing tonight, then I wouldn't know I was missing it.

Beautiful B-town

Just read on Yahoo that little ole Burlington, Vermont was voted one of the 7 prettiest small towns in America. Have to say I'm in agreement =) Although Peacham, VT is pretty amazing too if you ask anyone in my family...

Burlington, Vt.

"Burlington has it all," says Sarah Tuff Dunn, co-author of 101 Best Outdoor Towns. Dunn says the town's charms include "a brick pedestrian marketplace, Vermont's iconic white steeples and rolling hills that spill down toward a lively, green waterfront on Lake Champlain."

I miss all the small town farmers markets, the foliage, the view from the top of Mt. Philo, Shelburne Bay, Church Street, New Moon cafe, Dobra Tea, VT Pub & Brewery, Stone Soup, The Flynn Theater, the smell of VT fall and all the leaves burning, apple picking, eating Skinny Pancakes at the waterfront, oh and key lime martinis at the Daily Planet! I was also sad to miss out on the Balloon Fest, the Champlain Valley Fair, and the Burlington South End Art Hop. And how I miss the spontaneous day trips up to Montreal!

I am of course, missing some people too, but strangely many of them aren't even in Vermont now either anyway. What I will not miss is the snow and ice and ALWAYS being cold. So soon, when VT gets its first big dumping of snow, my homesickness will rather quickly dissipate. Still, looking forward to a visit whenever that happens though. Maybe Christmas =) I can handle a few days of winter I think. Congratulations Burlington on your pageant placement.

Argh mateys! Just wrote out a fairly lengthy post only to somehow delete it before I could post it!? Grrr. Not writing it again!! =/

Feeling a little cheated that my extremely over priced halloween costume did not come complete with moonboots... and come on, there should at least be a sprite involved in the mix for what I paid. I need me some red shoes.

yoko tanji, also pretty great.

more pcp.

freaky how much this reminds me of a vivid and gripping dream i had a few years ago...

and for my next feat...

... seriously tho, love pcp art =)

good thing I'm a cat person

So today I hung out with this, um, wildcat. I went for a walk on a trail at River Legacy Park, and stopped at this little place off the way here overlooking the river. I walked to the middle of that wooden railing and leaned there for five minutes or so taking a rest, looking at the water, and deciding whether to walk on or turn around and head back. Then I happened to glance to my left and found my self staring into the eyes of a rather large feline just hanging out there with me about two feet away. I jumped. He jumped. Then we froze and had a stare down. I slowly reached for my phone as it stared curiously, twitching its stumpy bobbed tail. I took this pic as I began to slowly back away while it just yawned and stretched, and groomed itself like I was a total and utter yawn of a bore. Glad this didn't happen when I was five, (or ya know, 15) cause I would have tried to love him and take him home or give him to my aunt or something.

A tragic and camouflaged autumn death. How many passers by blew right past, oblivious to this delicate scene of a life come to its end yet leaving a lingering beauty behind. I see a certain element of beauty in sadness.

Dumb

Dumb doctors and their misdiagnosis. I've been ill and emotional over facing an operation for weeks that I don't even need!? What the... how am I ever supposed to believe anything they say now? Does anyone out there in the medical profession have a clue about what they are doing? Is anything in place to hold these people accountable?? What am I paying them for exactly? For misinformation and no answers? I just got charged sooo much money to be told, "Oh, we were wrong before, you don't need an operation, and we don't know what's really wrong." The medical profession should work more like it does for the lawyers, where no success equals no payment. If you can't give me answers and make me feel better, you don't get paid. But, that's just my silly opinion. I wonder how much they used to charge for bloodletting?

considering things

'Only it is so very lonely here!' Alice said in a melancholy voice; and, at the thought of her loneliness, two large tears came rolling down her cheeks.

'Oh, don't go on like that!' cried the poor Queen, wringing her hands in despair. 'Consider what a great girl you are. Consider what a long way you've come to-day. Consider what o'clock it is. Consider anything, only don't cry!'

Alice could not help laughing at this, even in the midst of her tears. 'Can you keep from crying by considering things?' she asked.

'That's the way it's done,' the Queen said with great decision: 'nobody can do two things at once, you know...

*****************************************************************************

...'I can't believe that!' said Alice.

'Can't you?' the Queen said in a pitying tone. 'Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.'

Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said 'one can't believe impossible things.'

'I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast...'

Through the Looking Glass--Chapter V: Wool and Water

Hmm, I rather like this Queen. I used to think more like her than I do these days. I need something impossible to believe for, and to remember to consider some good that is in and around me.

Lately I have been feeling kinda defeated and somewhat of a failure at my life. My attempts to move forward only being met with mounting obstacles and set backs... leaving me wanting to just be a turtle, with a nice little shell to hide away in from a seemingly hostile world. Then the other day, as I was passing through the metal detector at the IRS, feeling overwhelmed and sorry for myself for where I was, facing off with financial yuck... among other brooding negative thoughts, there I saw her.

I made eye contact with this bright cheerful young woman, animated and engaged in lively conversation with someone... she was smiling and laughing as if she didn't have a care in the world and there was no where she'd rather be... radiating this genuine life and contentment... joy even, with every aspect of her body language. That's what you saw at quick glance. What you notice after that, is that she is missing a leg. One of her legs had been amputated from the knee down.

I walked past her to the elevator with a stab of something in my gut... I'm not sure I really can put words to how I felt or why... but sometimes I think I fail most on the days when I cant find at least one of the many reasons I have to feel blessed and to find value in just being alive, and being... me. Sometimes I just need a little reminder kick in the butt to appreciate the life I've been given to live while I have it, setbacks, obstacles, loneliness and all, and then, to consider what a great girl I am, and what a long way I've come. =]

I <3 the rain.

Doesn't Play Well with Others

So weird how allergies develop out of nowhere. What were not long ago some of my favorite things to eat on a daily basis, now make me so ill. Funny how what seems so all around good at one time can prove to be really bad for you. Did something change somewhere, or was it actually hurting me all along without my realizing it...thats the question.

I find spiritual parallels in everything it seems. Interesting how I have also developed this extremely severe intolerance, allergy even, to religion, and modern church culture. Religious people, mindsets, language... all chokes the breath out of me like a heavy wet blanket. What were once some of my favorite places and people and ideas to experience each day I just cant seem to even stomach anymore.

Just like with tofu, I tried mind over matter for a while, trying to convince myself it wasn't so bad, or that maybe this time it wont hurt. Maybe if I just eat it in small portions, once in a while? In this same way, for some time now I also have tried to continue on with maintaining some relationships and involvement within this culture on some level at least, to stay open to the possibility that maybe this time, it will go okay, it will be good, genuine. Eventually though, your stomach hurts so bad that you know enough is enough.

I'm sick. I'm allergic to the judgement, oh man the judgement and the competition, the hype. To the cliche language and answers, the memorized religious responses to the world...headache. To the endless messages that instill striving and guilt and completely miss the point of mercy, grace, or faith...ew, so nauseous. And also, to the unfortunate pattern I've had of sacrificially pouring all my life energy and resources out, maybe seeing some bit of good come of it somewhere along the way, but only to find myself at the end of it all, tired, and unhappy, frustrated and alone, and unable to relate to 99% of the people who say they identify with my faith... ER status on this one. Hope deferred... killing me. Time to listen to my stomach and just stay away from the culture that makes me ill.

Jesus, from every angle that I have experienced you, you yourself are good. I still think you rock. Hope we can still kick it. Pretty sure we can, I mean, you like honesty and all.. and contrary to popular belief, you don't like religious garbage either. God, thank you for your mercy, and your saved by faith plan, but your church... she is in bad shape, and she's hurting people and pushing them away. I've tried, for 10 years I tried, but I don't play well with them, so, I'm gonna take my broken toys and move on.

Things I am allergic to:

soy

wheat gluten (oh bread, how I miss you)

dust

mold

religion

christianese jargon (ugh, puke)

manipulation

clutter

TV

news media

materialism

beauty magazines

styrofoam

cilantro

death & taxes

Today I realized how much I was thinking about death and taxes. Yep, unpleasant imaginations of scalpels and scary IRS agents in black suits with glowing red eyes are haunting me. Life seems more and more like a delicate vapor that can so easily be blown about here or there off from ones plotted course or even snuffed out when least expected. Not that any of us is promised tomorrow or anything, but I'm not gonna lie, surgery scares the crap out of me. I mean, you hear, at least I've heard, about all these minor, piece of cake deals, where things should go smoothly without question, and then, ooops, the brilliant surgeon stitched em up with bonus items left inside and they're gone 2 days later. And, not to mention, I'm not especially fond of pAiN, or, missing work because of pain, or scars! Honestly, I know I'm being a big baby about it. My good friend is in the middle of an 8 week recovery from brain surgery and she faced it all like such a trooper! She's so brave.

I just don't have any confidence in doctors. My father's friend married late in life and then had a child, soon after the baby was born, his wife had to go to the hospital. They sent her home though and told her she was fine, and that night she died on the floor.

Another friend of mine suffered in agonizing pain for dAyZ while doctors misdiagnosed her again and again... and treated her for things she didn't even have. Meanwhile appendicitis was the first thing that crossed my mind in the beginning, and lo and behold, thats exactly what was almost allowed to take her out, while the doctors played guessing games!? I know they're human and all, but what the hell?? Not impressed. I know way too many of these stories... I don't want to be one of these stories.. gotta be brave...